Downsizing

I find life is changing in more ways than one, now that I am 50 years old. In many ways, I'm downsizing. Living in an RV has required me to live with a lot less. I gave up teaching Sun. school every Sun. a.m., now I don't even attend church every Sunday. It just depends on my work schedule and whether I can find a good church to try. No house - no housework. No yard - no yardwork. No pool - well, you get the idea! I find I have free time for the first time in years! Fewer family obligations because we're rarely near family. This is what I fantasized about for years while working, homeschooling, teaching co-op biology classes, Fifth grade Sunday school, meeting family obligations with Mima & Papa whenever family was in town, or whatever. Spending time with my parents whenever the rare invitation was extended. Helping Nanny with her weekly shopping and errands. Being mom to three active and inventive teenagers. Helping out in the youth group for special activities. Plus, helping my husband keep up with the house, yard, pool, entertaining, and just us time!
So, why am I not as happy as I should be? Why do I feel unfulfilled? Why do I feel as if I've lost my identity? This life is no more predictable at 50 than it was at 25! You start believing you can create your own direction and destiny, but you can't. You take the challenges life throws at you and make choices. Always difficult choices! Then you get comfortable with your partner, comfortable with your job, your church, routines, your chores etc. and you think you'll coast into retirement. Guess again! ...Maybe I'm too young to start 'coasting'. ...Maybe by learning new things everyday, living in new places every 3 months, and trying new things, I'll stay young longer? ...I guess it's worth a try!